My Doctor Sucks.
So I called my Doctor, and said, is Celebrex right for me?
He said, what?
I said, well, I was watching TV, and apparently if you take Celebrex, you can dance better or something.
He asked if I had tried taking aspirin.
I said, why would I take aspirin?
He said, what hurts?
I said nothing hurts, what are you talking about? Are you saying aspirin’s right for me?
He said, look, I don’t understand? What’s the matter with you?
I said OK, whatever. Is Zoloft right for me?
He said, what?
I said, because it sure cheered up some kind of little doodle thing.
He asked if I’d been depressed or something.
I said, well, I’m not REALLY HAPPY ALL THE TIME.
He implied that maybe that wasn’t a realistic goal.
I said, so it’s not right for me?
I said, well, is Cialis right for me?
He said, look, I’m really pretty busy. Do you want to make an appointment to talk about sexual dysfunction?
I said, don’t get snippy with me, man. What about Phentermine? Is Phentermine right for me? Or Propecia? Is Propecia right for me?
He said, do you want to lose weight? Are you going bald?
I said, why are you being so insulting? What kind of a doctor are you? Is Paxil right for me? How about Zyrtec? Is Zyrtec right for me? I saw some guy running through a field on Zyrtec, and it looked like fun.
The line abruptly went dead.

I still don’t know what’s right for me.