When you despair ’cause you can’t get much fatter:
Here’s Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter.
You’ll hear complaints of the spleen and the bladder
From Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter.
Though your intestines will be left in tatters
by Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter,
Climb to the top of the corporate ladder
With Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter!
And little old ladies will nitter and natter
‘Bout Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter,
Winsome young maidens will blush when they’re flattered
By Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter.
‎”Hamlet” is sad. Do you know what’s sadder?
Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter.
Cleopatra was slain, but not by an adder-
‘Twas Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter.
Grandfather’s ashes were blended & scattered
With Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter.
The cold wind doth blow, and dry bones do clatter
O’er Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter.
You’re loony! you’re crazy! you’re mad as a hatter
From Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter!
Your hackles are rising, your teeth start to chatter-
It’s Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter.
The mirrors of consciousness all will be shattered
By Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter.
Your aspirations and dreams do not matter
To Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter.
The evidence, coldly displayed on a platter:
Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter.

Disclaimer: Nitro von Borax is in no way affiliated with “Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter, ” except that he has a plastic bucket that used to hold the product, which he occasionally wears as a hat. The above poem is funny.