I Went to this Cheap Diner for Breakfast

They serve Cornish Eggs with Hash Beige
The Toast is mostly recycled
The Napkins are Toast that’s past the point where it can be recycled as more Toast
You can choose Ham, Bacon or Sausage, but it’s all Guinea Pork
The Short Stack of Pancakes is below plate level: it’s a plate served on top of a pancake
Upon closer inspection, the plate was a hubcap they’d just pulled off my car
There’s a lot of awful in their Waffle
Their Silver Dollar Pancakes are the size of dimes and they will blame deflation
If you want syrup, they give you a metal straw and seat you on the patio near a tree
The Butter is real, but they milk the cook for it
The Farmer’s Omelette has to be federally subsidized
If you ask for a fork they give you some metal cutters for your spoon
I asked for a knife and the waitress said, “HA! I’m not giving you a weapon.”
I asked for some orange juice: she gave me a kumquat, a c-clamp and a shotglass
The coffee was so weak that the waitress served it with last rites
The sugar is dispensed by the grain
The half & half is 60/40
It costs extra to get the check and leave, so it’s usually pretty crowded


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